I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
