I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize