you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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