No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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