They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
