I seem to have left my pride at pride
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
