he thought i was a dude.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
