I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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