At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
