do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
