We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
