I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
