it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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