chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
