I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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