I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
