wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
