I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
