I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
