woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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