I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
