I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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