I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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