I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize