The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
