hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
