i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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