theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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