i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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