I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
