sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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