i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
