im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
