My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
