Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
