WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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