So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize