i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize