i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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