I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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