I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
