I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
