i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
