oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
