wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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