at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
