The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize