If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
