i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
