My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
