I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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