You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
