how hairy? two words: wookie tits
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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