Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
