her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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