Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
