i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
