Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
