i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
