WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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