"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
