At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think i got beer on your cat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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