Will you blow on my dice?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I lost the right to judge tonight
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
