I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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