You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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