I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
