I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize