I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
