I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
