I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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