Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
