smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
