Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
