Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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