I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
