Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
