Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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