Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
