I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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