Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize