Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
