Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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