why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
