Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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