gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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