I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ttyl tear gas
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
